Negotiating Anything, Any Place : Taking it Personally (Part 1)
Good Day Readers, Today we are going to start our Next Topic which is "Taking it Personally".
Let's see in Detail what it really means?
Within our own lifetimes, the accelerating pace of change and the other increasing complexity of problems stagger even the experts. All organizations have grown -- larger and away from us.
As a result, some people feel like strangers, like ciphers lost in the crowd. Such an attitude is a curious blend of apathy and despair. The apt metaphor is Franz Kafka's The Castle, with its red tape and faceless masses waiting in endless lines.
It's as if we have become depersonalized, like minute particles of some great statistical census -- working ants in the giant anthill of life.
But it wasn't always this way. You may recall a time when, even in a large city, people went into neighborhood store and the owner greeted them by name. Although this way of doing business may have been less efficient than modern commerce, it was somehow more satisfying.
Obviously, I am not advocating that we "Return to those thrilling days of yesteryear."
What I am suggesting is that if you are to negotiate effectively, the other party must not see you as a statistic, a thing, a commodity, or an article of commerce. If you present yourself as a unique, vulnerable human being, there is greater likelihood that you will get what you want.
How many of us can be indifferent to those we see in human terms without being indifferent to ourselves? Deep down, most people know that their own welfare is related to the welfare of others.
Any slight of my neighbor eventually becomes an injury to myself.
Theoretically, we may know that "No man is an Island," but faced with the pressures of daily living, we tend to forget this interdependence. Therefore, it's up to you to humanize yourself so that you are not seen as a depersonalized statistic.
No one identifies with large numbers, but almost everyone commiserates with the anguish of a flesh-and-blood person.
This fact is implicit in the reputed comment of Samuel Adams, just prior to the American Revolution. During the planning of the Boston Massacre, Adam was reported to have said something to this effect: "There ought to be no fewer than 3 or 4 killed so we will have Martyrs for the Revolution. However, there should be no more than 20, because once you get beyond that number we no longer have Martyrs, but simply a Sewage Problem."
Aside form Adam's callous remarks and their ethical implications, his theory was correct. To maximize the Impact of an event, people must be able to Identify with those involved and with the circumstances.
When the Second World War was over, we learned the statistical magnitude of the atrocities committed against humankind. We could not fathom the absolute evil perpetrated by the Nazis and their countless millions of silent and passive accomplices. For the average person, the numbers were incomprehensible.
More than anything else, it was the writings of a teenage Jewish girl that helped people understand some of the horror that had taken place.
While hiding from the Nazis, she wrote a vivid and tender account of her experiences. Her words expressed Innocence, Optimism, and Humanity that produced an Emotional Impact.
This was, of course, Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl, published in 1947 and later made into a play and a film that affected the world.
Accordingly, to maximize your impact as a Negotiator -- no matter whom you are dealing with --- you must personalize both yourself and the situation.
How do you personalize yourself? You make the other party see you as a unique, flesh-and-blood, 3 dimensional Individual, someone who has feelings and needs, someone the other person likes, cares about, and somehow feels obligated to --- at least someone the other person wants to do something for.
How do you Personalize the Situation? The answer is Simple. Try not to Negotiate on behalf of an Institution or Organization, no matter how Large or small. Negotiate on behalf of yourself, representing the Institution.
Let me Elaborate. Few of us keep commitments to sterile institutions. They are too Remote, Lifeless, and Abstract to create a sense of obligation or concern. No one, except an architect, cares a hoot about bricks, glass, steel, and concrete.
Institutions are cold and lifeless. That's why IBM, Con Edison, General Electric, Ma Bell, the IRS, and other abstract entities get zapped so often. ( Typical attitude: "What's the difference if the Mobil Oil Corporation loses $100,000? It's not even half a cent a share!")
That's why it's self-defeating to Negotiate on behalf of prosperous organizations, and it's self-defeating to Negotiate on behalf of prosperous organizations, and obviously, that's why phrases like the following usually fall on their faces:
"On behalf of the Bensonhurst Chamber of Commerce we'd like you to ---"
"For the benefit of the Boy Scouts of America, we want you to ---"
"For the sake of financial solvency, the National Organization of Women requests that you fulfill your pledge."
So if you represent the March of Dimes, the state of California, the United Way, the local women's club, the New York City Transit Authority, or what have you, and you're supposed to gain the commitment of others to these impersonal entities per se (virtually an impossibility),
What can you do? Yo can Personalize.
You can Gain the commitment of others to you.
Here's what I mean.
Let's take a break and discuss more of this in our Next Part:
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