Recognizing Manipulators
Dear Readers, Today we are going to start a New Chapter "Unmasking Manipulators / Recognizing Manipulators"
They Constantly Challenge You to Prove Yourself and Show Affection
When you are dealing with someone who is constantly asking you to prove how you feel about them, there is a possibility that there is a manipulation attempt at work. People trying to manipulate you will often keep you on your toes to the point where you feel guilty when you are not giving in to their demands.
This can be emotionally draining because you feel guilty that the person does not realize the extent of your compassion or love you have for them but are also confused as to how you are not doing enough. This mixture of confusion, guilt, and mental exhaustion creates a perfect hunting ground for the emotional manipulator.
They Are Passive-Aggressive
The nature of the manipulator is to slide influence in under the radar. This nature contributes to their affinity for being passive-aggressive instead of direct, even when it is incredibly hurtful and founded in spite. At the heart of this behavior is a profound fear of losing control, and not being direct means that they are not facing the consequences of a direct confrontation.
They Use Gaslighting on You
As we've discussed in previous chapters, gaslighting is a toxic manipulation tactic that works to convince the victim that they cannot rely on their own recollections and sense of reason in arguments or other situations.
The victim's sense of self-awareness and confidence in her own reality is completely broken down over a period of time. The practice of gaslighting is a huge indicator that this person is practicing manipulation. Be confident in yourself and what you believe happened. Don't let someone else convince you that they know better than you.
If you were the one with direct experience. If direct communication and addressing the situation does not work initially, the manipulator is unlikely to ever admit defeat in this regard, and it is best to remove yourself from their environment or vice versa.
They Use Humor as a Weapon Against You
Manipulators might go too far when it comes to turning a hurtful situation into something that was "Just a Joke". This works in their benefit if and when you choose to address it and explain that your feelings were hurt because they can come back and accuse you of being sensitive and unable to "Take a Joke".
Don't fall for this Tactic. If someone has hurt your feelings, joke or otherwise, it should be acknowledged or addressed because the pain itself is very real. It doesn't matter if it was supposed to be a joke or not.
They Are Always the Victim
People who are working as the manipulator in a relationship will often turn the "victim card" in an effort to redirect your anger and alleviate any sense of being in the wrong in the first place. This might manifest as a sudden switch from anger to sadness in the form of elephant tears and an apparent breaking down in front of you. The Manipulator will quickly try to list all the way in which she is not responsible for negative consequences and try to turn the blame around to be placed on the partner.
They Use Kindness as a Weapon
People who are out to get something from you often try to incite a feeling of obligation and a sense that you "owe" them through giving you things freely and treating you with excessive kindness and generosity. This way, the next time they need something from you, they can cite that one time they did something for you in the hopes that you feel guilty and give in to their demands.
They Belittle Your Pain
A skilled manipulator will be able to belittle your pain by making your problems and issues out to be nothing significant. This is designed to make you feel like you should be stronger or able to handle things like everyone else, prompting feelings of guilt, shame, and especially inadequacy.
The manipulator can use these feelings against you in different ways, such as making you more suggestible to their advice or to do things like everyone else, prompting feelings of guilt, shame, and especially inadequacy. The manipulator can use these feelings against you in different ways, such as making you more suggestible to their advice or to do things "Their way". They seem stronger than you because they do not have the same struggles and recognize your struggles as those with which only the weak have problems.
They Keep Their Cool to Magnify Your Own Emotions
When something stressful happens that gets you upset, one way for a manipulator to feel superior is not to react in the same way. Instead, they handle themselves in a completely calm and cool manner. This way, they emphasize to themselves and anyone around that you are the one losing control, while they seem to be completely unbothered by the situation. They can then come at you with an accusation that you need to work on controlling your emotions.
So Dear Readers, in this Chapter we have discussed few things regarding Recognizing Manipulators and how to save yourself from their dirty tactics.
In Next Chapter we will discuss how to
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